I received so much positive feedback and support from my last blog post about month one as a momma. THANK YOU! I was really nervous to post because there is that fear that you are all alone in your experiences and silently failing as a mom. Come to find out, so many other mommas have had similar experiences so thank you for sharing that with me.
Today I thought I would talk about the ongoing struggle that has been feeding Porter. I mentioned in the last post that I had a difficult time breastfeeding. Porter was unable to pull out enough milk and he lost a scary amount of weight. We began supplementing with formula and I pumped after each feeding. P got back up to his birth weight and continued to climb, but it was a major challenge. So many feedings consisted of me in tears trying to get him latch. Initially, we supplemented by using a finger feeding method. Essentially, you tape a tiny tube to your finger that is attached to a container of breast milk/formula, then put your finger in the baby's mouth and they suck the milk through the tube. While this worked, it takes foreverrrrrr. We would be up for 2 hours with each middle of the night feeding because it took a long time to breastfeed, a longer time to finger feed, and a good 45 minutes or so to get him back to sleep. Around the second week, Porter started to refuse my boob. He would pull away and cry and refuse to eat. As a result, we introduced a bottle. I started pumping exclusively and feeding him a combination of formula and breastmilk. Porter was able to eat from the bottle but was very messy. So messy that we had to change his outfit after each feeding (even while using a bib! And let me tell you, we've tried every bib out there too. I'll list my favorite at the end of this post). But, I didn't mind the mess because my boy was eating and gaining weight. He had been a pretty gassy baby from the start. We did a lot of "bicycle legs" and other leg movements, tummy massage, plus constant bouncing to help him move things along in his tummy. We started using the Dr. Brown's bottles because they reduce the air intake. Things suddenly went downhill 24 hours after his 6 week shots. Porter started to scream every time I would feed him and would refuse to eat. It was a battle to get him to take in even a few ounces. We saw our pediatrician who thought it might be a milk allergy. We put P strictly on Nutramigen (formula) and I continued to pump and save my breastmilk in case we could go back to using it. However, I found that with Matt back at work I had very little time to pump and my supply was rapidly going away. We noticed that the formula had greatly reduced his gas so we decided to switch to exclusively feeding formula. Unfortunately this did not help with the feeding issue. We then started on reflux medicine, although he didn't have any other symptoms (such as excess spit up). After a week, still no improvement. We went to a lactation consultant who thought P might be tongue tied and noticed he had a difficult time sucking and latching at the bottle (which is the problem we had with breastfeeding). We took him to a pediatric ENT. Although she said it was neither the worst nor the mildest case of tongue tie she's seen, she recommended we go ahead and have his frenulum cut to fix the tongue tie. Y'all that little procedure just about broke my heart. Matt held our sweet P while they did it and I stood in the hallway and cried. Hearing his cries made me feel physical pain my chest. Fortunately, the bleeding stops quickly and as soon as it was over I held my boy and he fell asleep. It has been over a week since the procedure and we have seen a lot of improvement! In fact, for the fist few days I thought things were completely fixed. However, the last several days have consisted of some more challenging feedings again. We are seeing the pediatrician weekly for weight checks and are continuing to explore more options on what we can do to help our little man. It is so hard as a mom because most babies enjoy eating and find comfort in that. It can also be a great bonding experience for mom and babe. Porter gets worked up and upset when eating plus it doesn't make him drowsy. I also have this fear that he will associate negative eating experiences (and stress) with me since I am the only one who feeds him. I am constantly reminding myself that he knows my love for him and the rest of our time together is full of snuggles, giggles, songs, and chats. We have an appointment to see an OT to help P work on getting a stronger suck. Right now, I pinch his little cheeks together to help him. Has anyone out there had any similar experiences? Please let me know if anything worked for you!
I would also like to talk for a minute about formula feeding. There is so much support out there for breastfeeding moms (especially where I live), but very little available for formula feeding moms. Formula feeding is challenging. I can't just pull P out of his bassinet and feed him in the night. I have to get up and make a bottle. It is a guessing game whether he is full or still hungry because I am the one deciding how much goes in his bottle. I have anxiety about feeding him in public (#1 because he still gets upset during feedings sometimes) because I worry about others judging my decision to use formula. Plus I need to make sure I always have a bottle prepped in the diaper bag. The "breast is best" notion of course makes sense, but it can be hurtful because not all women are able to breastfeed and they should not be made to feel that they are not giving their child the best. As moms, we are already under enough stress (not to mention exhaustion and helloooo hormones). We should be building one another up and providing equal support to all moms regardless of how they choose to feed their baby. I know a lot of breastfeeding mommas feel that they get unfriendly stares or comments from strangers when they breastfeed in public, but I feel like I get unfriendly stares for formula bottle feeding. Why can't we just let moms feed their babies however they want to? Ugh!! Ok rant over! Thanks so much for reading and joining me in this journey. Lets rally behind one another and continue to encourage not just mommas but husbands, partners, parents, grandparents, and friends of mommas. It takes a village y'all!
*P.S. If you formula feed your little one and don't know about the Baby Brezza, please go get one as it will change your life. It is like a Keurig for formula! Amazeballs. For real.
These Aiden and Anais bibs are my favorite. They are the most absorbent and wash really well. (I tried the burpy bibs by this brand and they are too bulky around the neck for such a little guy.)
These Dr. Brown bottles have been the best for us. They have vent inside that is designed to limit the amount of air that baby takes in while feeding which greatly helps with gassy, colicky, refluxy babes!
Alexis, breastfeeding is not as easy as everyone likes to make it out to be.
ReplyDeleteKatja didn't seem strong enough so I supplemented with formula until she was. And boy, did I feel guilty and like a failure as a mother. Ricky was even more difficult. He'd put his tongue on the roof of his mouth so it was impossible to get the nipple in. He was trying so hard to suck...but nothing he can get from the roof of his mouth. Lol. So my husband had to stick his finger in his mouth, push his tongue down and I'd try to take the chance of "getting in there". It was weeks of anguish; I basically felt like he didn't want me (so to speak). In the end it all worked out fine but holy cow....the stress and the emotions......
That being said.....do NOT NOT NOT feel guilty about the formula. You need to do what works for you and Porter. Your peace is so much more important. Being stressed out doesn't help you or him in the least.
I am sorry you have to go through all those difficulties.....I remember how hard it is. It WILL get better.
Alexis, my youngest had trouble latching and we found out he had an upper lip tie and also had to have it cut. It was horrible to watch even though they say it's not bad on the baby, but as a Mom it tugs at your heart. Since we didn't find out about the lip tie until a week after birth, I lost most of my supply and we started formula just a week after. It's so hard to admit I couldn't feed my own baby and you feel lots of guilt, but then I realized he was getting what he needed and would be ok. And 9 months later he's fine! I also stopped breastfeeding my first after a few weeks and pumped exclusively for 3 months which was no joke!! Just remember you are doing everything you can for your little boy and he (and you) will get through it!!
ReplyDelete