My First Month As A Momma

Hi y'all!

So today I thought I would sit down and share a bit about how things have been going so far with our new addition. I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am going to talk about certain challenges and struggles I've had as a new mom. I want to be clear that I am in no way complaining and I am thankful for each and every tear shed and hour of sleep lost because I have been blessed beyond measure with a healthy baby boy.

The First Month

After we brought Porter home from the hospital, we were so lucky to have my mom and both of Matt's parents there to help us adjust to our new life with a baby. They were amazing and would hold P so we could get some rest, they went grocery shopping (many times...I swear we'd never had so much food in our house), they did laundry, cleaned the house, and even prepared an incredible Thanksgiving dinner! So. Freaking. Thankful. Even with all of the help and support, the first few weeks were hard. We really had no idea what we were doing and this tiny little human depended on us for everything. I struggled with baby blues and cried...a lot. Your hormones are all over the place after giving birth and I felt like a failure and a bad mom on a daily basis. Unfortunately for me, the baby blues last longer than usual (typically they last about 2 weeks) and I struggled for almost 5 weeks. Porter would only sleep if he was being held so there were many sleepless nights and I never got out of my pajamas. For real, I never got dressed in the morning and would just put on clean pjs each night. (*One of my biggest tips for new mamas is to buy a lot of cute new pjs before baby comes. You live in them and if they're cute, you at least feel a little bit better about yourself since you don't have time or energy to shower *). I also had a very difficult time breastfeeding. So difficult in fact, that two days after his birth Porter had lost over a pound. It was really devastating because I so badly wanted to breastfeed but Porter had a hard time latching and could not pull out enough milk. I ended up supplementing with formula after each feeding and pumping after each feeding. This process would take over an hour and happened every 2-3 hours. It was manageable because Matt was home from work and could hold P while I pumped, but once he went back to work it was nearly impossible to pump. Speaking of Matt going back to work, wow was that hard. He slept in the guest bedroom (with Winston) so he could actually get some rest so I was up all night taking care of P by myself. It felt very lonely and I spent many nights crying as I rocked my baby to sleep (thanks hormones). The days weren't any easier. I have never felt so exhausted and Porter would not let me put him down. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE holding my boy but I literally didn't eat or pee all day. There were also days were he would be crying hysterically and I would try everything and couldn't figure out what was wrong. Again these feelings of inadequacy would overwhelm me. I would have to bounce/swing/sing/shh Porter for an hour or more to get him to sleep sometimes and was I physically and emotionally exhausted every day. Matt would get home and I would hand him off to get a quick shower and I usually brought a glass of wine in there with me. After that, I did it all over again throughout the night. Our saving grace was definitely the meals that were provided by my amazing teacher friends. I seriously don't think we would've eaten if if hadn't been for them. Y'all, support in the beginning is EVERYTHING. With our family so far away, having a meal train was so incredible. Huge shout out to my Bacich friends, the Rooneys, and our landlords for giving us the gift of food! Feeling overwhelmed and with Christmas right around the corner, we begged my mom to come back and thankfully she did! My momma came back for a week and was here for Christmas. While she was here, so many things changed. We started to figure out tricks to help P fall asleep, learned more of what he liked/disliked, and even snuck off for a date night to celebrate Matt's birthday. Could not be more grateful to my mom for that week. Having her there for Christmas made it actually feel like Christmas! I have so many sweet memories sitting on the couch with her and Porter in the middle of the night with only the light of the Christmas tree. My mom is the greatest and it is SO HARD living so far away from our families. That about wraps up month one. I'll post some Porter pics from his first month of life! This little boy has changed our life for the better and I love him something fierce! 

Again, please know my heart. I love my son with every fiber of my being and I am not complaining. I am simply sharing the struggles of being a new mom. I follow so many mom bloggers on instagram and their lives are perfect and their babies are perfect and sleep through the night at one month and never cry and pose for pictures and blah blah blah. It made me feel so inadequate as a mom and I needed to constantly remind myself that that image is not realistic. Their job is to portray perfection. I am here to be real and share #reallife. I'll be back soon with a recap of month two! I also plan to share my baby essentials for the first few months as well as what I packed in my hospital bag for delivery.