My First Month As A Momma

Hi y'all!

So today I thought I would sit down and share a bit about how things have been going so far with our new addition. I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am going to talk about certain challenges and struggles I've had as a new mom. I want to be clear that I am in no way complaining and I am thankful for each and every tear shed and hour of sleep lost because I have been blessed beyond measure with a healthy baby boy.

The First Month

After we brought Porter home from the hospital, we were so lucky to have my mom and both of Matt's parents there to help us adjust to our new life with a baby. They were amazing and would hold P so we could get some rest, they went grocery shopping (many times...I swear we'd never had so much food in our house), they did laundry, cleaned the house, and even prepared an incredible Thanksgiving dinner! So. Freaking. Thankful. Even with all of the help and support, the first few weeks were hard. We really had no idea what we were doing and this tiny little human depended on us for everything. I struggled with baby blues and cried...a lot. Your hormones are all over the place after giving birth and I felt like a failure and a bad mom on a daily basis. Unfortunately for me, the baby blues last longer than usual (typically they last about 2 weeks) and I struggled for almost 5 weeks. Porter would only sleep if he was being held so there were many sleepless nights and I never got out of my pajamas. For real, I never got dressed in the morning and would just put on clean pjs each night. (*One of my biggest tips for new mamas is to buy a lot of cute new pjs before baby comes. You live in them and if they're cute, you at least feel a little bit better about yourself since you don't have time or energy to shower *). I also had a very difficult time breastfeeding. So difficult in fact, that two days after his birth Porter had lost over a pound. It was really devastating because I so badly wanted to breastfeed but Porter had a hard time latching and could not pull out enough milk. I ended up supplementing with formula after each feeding and pumping after each feeding. This process would take over an hour and happened every 2-3 hours. It was manageable because Matt was home from work and could hold P while I pumped, but once he went back to work it was nearly impossible to pump. Speaking of Matt going back to work, wow was that hard. He slept in the guest bedroom (with Winston) so he could actually get some rest so I was up all night taking care of P by myself. It felt very lonely and I spent many nights crying as I rocked my baby to sleep (thanks hormones). The days weren't any easier. I have never felt so exhausted and Porter would not let me put him down. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE holding my boy but I literally didn't eat or pee all day. There were also days were he would be crying hysterically and I would try everything and couldn't figure out what was wrong. Again these feelings of inadequacy would overwhelm me. I would have to bounce/swing/sing/shh Porter for an hour or more to get him to sleep sometimes and was I physically and emotionally exhausted every day. Matt would get home and I would hand him off to get a quick shower and I usually brought a glass of wine in there with me. After that, I did it all over again throughout the night. Our saving grace was definitely the meals that were provided by my amazing teacher friends. I seriously don't think we would've eaten if if hadn't been for them. Y'all, support in the beginning is EVERYTHING. With our family so far away, having a meal train was so incredible. Huge shout out to my Bacich friends, the Rooneys, and our landlords for giving us the gift of food! Feeling overwhelmed and with Christmas right around the corner, we begged my mom to come back and thankfully she did! My momma came back for a week and was here for Christmas. While she was here, so many things changed. We started to figure out tricks to help P fall asleep, learned more of what he liked/disliked, and even snuck off for a date night to celebrate Matt's birthday. Could not be more grateful to my mom for that week. Having her there for Christmas made it actually feel like Christmas! I have so many sweet memories sitting on the couch with her and Porter in the middle of the night with only the light of the Christmas tree. My mom is the greatest and it is SO HARD living so far away from our families. That about wraps up month one. I'll post some Porter pics from his first month of life! This little boy has changed our life for the better and I love him something fierce! 

Again, please know my heart. I love my son with every fiber of my being and I am not complaining. I am simply sharing the struggles of being a new mom. I follow so many mom bloggers on instagram and their lives are perfect and their babies are perfect and sleep through the night at one month and never cry and pose for pictures and blah blah blah. It made me feel so inadequate as a mom and I needed to constantly remind myself that that image is not realistic. Their job is to portray perfection. I am here to be real and share #reallife. I'll be back soon with a recap of month two! I also plan to share my baby essentials for the first few months as well as what I packed in my hospital bag for delivery.

Our Birth Story

Hey y'all!

I am so excited to share our birth story with you! Our precious boy turned 2 months old today and it has been a wonderful blur of joy, love, stress, and exhaustion. I hope to get back to blogging soon but for now I am just taking one day at a time. Loving this new adventure of mommy-hood and am completely smitten with my little man! Porter Hayes you are perfect!!!

Our Birth Story - Porter Hayes Lakin

As many of you know, I was working full time as a second grade teacher this fall. I was very blessed to have a job share with another teacher so that when Porter arrived, I would be done for the rest of the year. I had originally planned to work up until my due date (November 18th). Everyone (including my OB) said that I would likely have him late and I was feeling really good. However, as that date grew closer I decided it would be best to stop teaching that week so that I could have some time to rest before the marathon that is labor and delivery. That Monday (Nov. 14) was very relaxing and I made plans for the rest of the week (nail appointment, grocery shopping, freezer meal prep, laundry, cleaning, ya know all the things you need to get done before baby arrives...). Matt and I went to Outback for dinner because I was craving steak :) We went to bed around 10pm and I was relaxed and ready for a busy week of "nesting". Our little man had other plans...At around 1:00am I woke up with stomach pains. I sat up in bed and it went away. A few minutes later it happened again. I got out of bed to see if it continued. I turned on the Hallmark Channel (duh) and quickly realized that these pains were happening about every 6-8 minutes. After a half hour I woke up Matt and told him that I thought I was in labor. We began timing contractions and they got closer and closer together. By 4:00am they were 3-4 minutes apart and much more intense. Matt called the hospital and they told us to come in. I protested because everyone I know was in labor for days so it couldn't be happening this fast. Fortunately Matt convinced me otherwise and we got to the hospital around 5:00am. We got checked in and the nurse informed me that I was dilated to 7 cm. I couldn't believe it! I was actually really proud of myself because I don't handle pain well and I was doing pretty good for being at 7 cm. I immediately let the nurse know that I wanted an epidural, asap! I was taken straight to the delivery room and they got the epidural going. It was awesome. I didn't feel a thing but could see the contractions happening on the monitor. They told us to get some rest while I "labored down" for a little bit. After an hour it became very apparent that I could feel the contractions again. It got worse, and worse, and they finally gave me a "topper" that was supposed to numb me up again. Here's the biggest surprise of our birth story, the epidural had officially stopped working! If you have had a natural childbirth, you get it. If not, y'all it hurts so bad!!!!!!!!! Once you transition, contractions are so painful. Then they had me start pushing. It felt so unnatural and hurt so bad. I was like one of the women you see in the movies screaming/moaning as I pushed. Fortunately, it didn't take too long. After about 45 minutes of pushing, our sweet boy made is arrival into the world! The nurse started telling me "look down!" and I actually got to seem him emerge! It was so crazy. When they placed him on my chest it was the most surreal feeling in the world. He was so perfect and beautiful and I was overwhelmed with emotions. Then that feeling quickly turned to pain as the doctor began to stitch me up. Ouch! Porter remained on my chest for over an hour before they weighed and measured him. He was 7 lbs. 13 oz. and 20 inches long. We later learned that the reason my epidural didn't take was because Porter's head was so low that it literally blocked the liquid from where it needed to go to numb me. The initial injection only lasts an hour and then a drip kicks in. By the time the initial injection wore off, the drip wasn't able to do its job. From my first contraction to getting to hold my baby boy took around 8 hours. The doctors joked that I should be prepared to have my next baby in the car because it happened so fast. It was a crazy whirlwind and unfortunately we had a few bumps in the road after that with Porter's eating and weight loss. That is a story for another time. At the end of the day, we brought a beautiful baby boy into the world at 9:27am on November 15, 2016. He is our whole world and we could not feel more blessed to be his parents!

Thank you so much for reading! I know it was a long post but I wanted to write down as many details as possible so I don't forget :) I hope to get back to regular posting including lots of mommy posts! (I already have so many ideas!!) but for now, my focus is on my sweet boy. Hope you're 2017 is off to a great start!