Mama Diaries - How To Look More Awake!

Hey y'all!

So as a mom of a sweet baby boy who has only just RECENTLY started sleeping through the night (he'll be 7 months next week), I've tried just about every trick in the book to not look like a walking zombie. I thought I'd share my tried and true products that help conceal my exhaustion. Porter still wakes up from time to time in the night but he'll roll around or play for a few minutes then fall back asleep. Of course, I'm awake watching him on the monitor lol. In the early months, he was waking up every 2 hours...or less! Hope you find this helpful!

*Before you do anything, have a cup of coffee.

1. I always use Origins eye cream in the morning. It helps brighten my under eye area and reduces puffiness. It's also slightly tinted a pearly pink color which helps conceal a little bit. Plus it smells yummy and invigorating!

2. If my under eye circles are really dark, I use the "whisper pink" Shadowsense from SeneGence before applying my concealer. I just do about 3 little dots and then blot it in with my finger. It helps counteract the darkness.

3. I have used NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer ever since it was released. It's my fave. I dot it under my eye and blot it in with my finger. I find it blends easier with my finger than with a brush.

*Should probably get a coffee refill about now.

4. I always wear mascara. Even if I don't put on any other makeup, I have to have a little mascara. It opens up my eyes and makes me look more awake. My two favorites are Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara and CoverGirl Lash Blast mascara.

5. I use the same "whisper pink" ShadowSense as my eye shadow. It makes my eyes look really bright and awake (when they are most definitely not!). I've always used super light pink eye shadow when I feel tired and this one is great because it doesn't wear off like a lot of powder shadows do.

6. When I'm sleep deprived, my skin looks dull so I like to slap on some blush to look more alive. (And if you have to give yourself a literal slap in the face to wake up a bit, I totally understand. Been there.) I currently use NARS Orgasm blush.

7. If you're feeling fancy, throw on some Lipsense. That stuff will last all day and you can kiss all over your babies. Plus, you automatically look more pulled together with a lippy on. Even if you're wearing workout clothes. Because that's all I wore for the first 3 months...

8. Wear earrings. Again, even if you're just wearing sweatpants if you put on some earrings it will distract from you dull skin and tired eyes. Obviously wear studs if you have a babe because helloooo grabby little hands that want to pull on everything! These Kendra earrings go with literally everything.

*Go to Starbucks for some more coffee.

9. At night, I always use an anti-aging eye cream. I've been using the Rodan and Fields one and really love it.

10. Face masks are another great way to help refresh your oh so tired skin. My favorite one every is the Tula exfoliating mask. I use it at least 2x per week.

*Note: this picture was taken with the items on my child's highchair...keepin it REAL!!!

Things like working out, drinking more water, eating healthy foods, etc. will totally help you look and feel less tired. However, for the first few months of Porter's life those things were just not an option because I had a baby that wouldn't let me put him down. So the big things that helped me survive those sleepless nights were eye cream, concealer, and caffeine! Hang in there momma it DOES get easier and your baby WILL eventually sleep. Let me know if you have any tricks!

*I'm sure you've all heard about the Iced Cinnamon Almond Milk Macchiato from Starbucks as it was a new drink this spring and advertised a lot. BUT, have you tried it hot??? It is so yummy! If you're exhausted and at Starbucks all the time, give this drink a try.

*If you are curious about the Shadowsense or Lipsense, check out my friendsJulie and Bailey's Lipsense Facebook pages for more info!

Days with Porter Hayes...6 Month Schedule

Hey y'all!

One thing you may not know about me is that I am a very schedule oriented person. I like planning things out and knowing when I'm going to do certain things. After having Porter, I wanted him to be on a schedule too. Haha. It's funny how we mamas make these plans for our babes because they're just gonna do whatever they want ;) So one thing that I've been doing since Porter was born was searching online for different "baby schedules" so I could have a gage on what our day might look like. Ultimately, Porter put himself on a schedule but I tried to influence it (for example, I would always feed him when he woke up to try to establish an "eat, play, sleep" routine). The one thing that these online schedules were missing was what the mamas were doing. As a new stay at home mom, it took me a while to really get into a rhythm of what my responsibilities are and how to manage them throughout my day. So I've included a little peek into my day as well. Hope you enjoy!

*I'm averaging all of the times. Porter will usually wake up anytime between 6-7 but sometimes its even earlier/later. Also, his naps can range from 1-2.5 hours so that will obviously set the tone for the rest of the naps and the schedule for that day*

6:00 am - Wake up! Diaper change and bottle.

6:30-7:00 am - Mama makes herself some coffee while Porter hangs out in the kitchen with me in this. With coffee in hand, we play on P's play mat with toys, with his play gym, or his activity jumper. I always have on music while we play. We have Spotify and some of my favorites for P are the Laurie Berkner Band (if you were an OU ECE major you'll recognize these songs from the Child Development Center!), Raffi, The Wiggles, Veggie Tales, Rockabye Baby!, and of course Disney hits.

7:00 am - Breakfast! Right now, Porter is eating baby oatmeal and a fruit puree. I also have a sippy cup with water out during his solid meals but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet.

7:30-8:00 am - More playtime! I also keep a basket of books next to the play mats because Porter loves his books! He especially likes to chew on them :)

8:00 - 10:00 am - Nap time! Watching for sleep cues has really helped me know exactly when P is ready for a nap. In the morning, he's usually awake for about 2 hours but I can tell he's ready to nap when he starts rubbing his eyes or gets a little cranky. We "nap trained" Porter so I follow the same routine each time and put him down in the crib awake...I sometimes offer him a small bottle (depending on how much he's already eaten), change his diaper, make sure he has on comfy clothes, put on his wearable blanket, turn on the sound machine, turn off the light, sing "You Are My Sunshine" while holding him, lay him down and rub his back for a few minutes, then leave and close the door.

During nap time, I make and eat breakfast, read my devotional, check emails, Facebook, etc. Make the bed, shower (if I didn't shower the night before...I usually shower at night), and get dressed and ready for the day. I'll clean up the kitchen from breakfast, unload the dishwasher, and then check my planner for the day's "to do list". I usually have a big cleaning goal for the day (such as bathrooms, dusting, floors, etc.) plus laundry and daily swiffering (hellooooo Winston fur). Also any phone calls I need to make or bills that need to be paid get done at this time.

10:00 am - Diaper change and bottle. Then get P dressed for the day!

10:00 am - 12:30 pm - I like to run errands after Porter's first nap. It's usually his longest nap so he'll stay up for a while. Depending on how long the errands take, we usually sit on the front porch after we get home and throw the ball for Winnie.

12:30 - 2:00 pm - Nap time!

I'll make and eat lunch then continue working on tackling my to do list! I've also been really big on cleaning out and organizing our home so I usually spend some time working on that. Other items that I have on my to do list include: meal planning, making a grocery list, scheduling appointments, cleaning P's toys/teethers/bottles/bath tub/etc., and clean out the fridge.

2:00 pm - Diaper change and bottle.

2:00 - 4:00 pm - I try to take Porter out for a walk every day. Sometimes we go around the neighborhood, sometimes we drive over the Civic Center and walk around the pond, sometimes I strap him in the ErgoBaby carrier and we take Winston on a walk with us. When we get back we usually play outside for a while. We use bubbles or he'll sit in his "sit me up" chair and we'll use squirt toys and watch Winston try to chase the water as I squirt them. If it's a hot day, I'll give P a cold wet wash cloth to chew on (so great for teething too!) and I'll bring his high chair outside and pour some water in the tray to splash around in. A lot of days we make a Starbucks run during this time as well!

4:00 - 4:45 pm - Last nap of the day! Although, I think P is about to drop this last nap.

If I've made a good dent in my to do list and the house is looking good, I usually use this time to rest! Unfortunately I can't fall asleep during the day, but I like to lay on the couch and read my book or scroll through Pinterest and just zone out for a few minutes. I also get dinner prepped if necessary.

4:45 pm - Diaper change and either a bottle (if he wakes up earlier like 3:30 - 4:30) or dinner (if he wakes up later) I usually give him dinner around 5:00. For dinner, I do a veggie and a fruit and we are introducing protein! Then we play until daddy gets home.

5:15 pm - Matt gets home from work! Matt takes Porter to play so I can get dinner going or open a bottle of wine ;)

6:00 pm - Bedtime routine: bath (Porter looooooves bath time), jammies, books, and bottle. Matt reads to P every night. It's one of my favorite times of the day. We all (Winston included) cuddle up on our bed and read 3-5 books together.

7:00 pm - Bedtime. We have a similar routine to nap time (put on his blanket, turn on the sound machine, etc). Matt says goodnight and I rock P and sing "Lavenders Blue". It's our special "night night song". Then I lay him in the crib and kiss him goodnight. Some nights he'll roll around for a while before finding a comfortable spot. Other nights he might fuss for a few minutes. But he always falls asleep on his own like a champ (thank you sleep training!!!!!)

7:00 -8:00 pm - Fix and eat dinner. If I didn't take Winnie on walk earlier, then Matt or I will do that after dinner.

8:00 - 10:00 pm - Watch shows, read, shower, scroll on the phone, hang out with hubby, wind down, etc.

10:00 pm - Lights out! Because this mama is going to be up with P in just a few hours ;) He wakes once in the night for a small bottle. Going to ween him off that soon. It's hard though because as much as I do want a full night of sleep, I really love that time in the middle of the night. He is so cuddly and I love rocking him even if its only for a few minutes.

Well that about sums up our day! Hope it was helpful to any mamas out there!! Truly every day looks a little bit different and this is just a general overview what goes on during my days with Porter Hayes!

6 Month Update

Hey y'all!

How is my baby already 6 months old?!? He is growing so fast! While every month has been so special in different ways, this past month has been the most fun yet! Porter is so interactive. He loves to play, "talk", yell, and laugh. He is trying so hard to scoot and he rolls all over the place. He's not solid on sitting up yet, he seems to be more interested in trying to crawl. He has loved every fruit and veggie he has tried and devours oatmeal. We are only using Gerber baby food right now. He had been sleeping really well. Only waking up once to feed then back to sleep until anytime between 6-7am. However, little man recently started teething! His two bottom teeth have broken through. Teething is tough y'all. Porter is quite a trooper but it has interrupted his sleep. The worst is over (for these 2 teeth at least) so we need do a little work to get back to our good sleep habits. Since he started teething, P has been waking up twice in the night and then trying to get up for the day around 5am. Too early little man, too early. On a HUGE positive note, we "nap trained" Porter and he took to it like a champ! I now put him down for naps awake and he will fall asleep on his own and sleep anywhere from an hour to 2.5 hours. LIFE. CHANGING. Porter also does great in the car. He plays in his carseat or looks out the window. No more crying! Yay P! Next up, stage 2 foods, conquering sitting up, and dropping the middle of the night feeding (it's definitely a sleep association at this point as he is eating plenty during the day). Porter Hayes is the biggest blessing. He brings us more joy than we ever thought possible!  Love love love being a momma!

As far as momma updates...I'm feeling really great! Seriously. I've been working out 2x a week with Fit4Mom and taking P on long walks every day. I'm cooking dinner 5-6 nights per week and we are eating healthy meals. The fact that Porter is now napping in his crib (for longer than 30 minutes) has given me the freedom to be a much better home manager. I've also recently read a few books that have completely changed my perspective on things like tidying, clutter, home organization, and financial priorities. If you are a momma who runs a busy household, I highly recommend The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up , Unstuffed: Decluttering Your Home, Mind, and Soul , and Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living. I read each of these in about 2 days. Such amazing perspective!!! My home has never been more organized and I got rid of about 20+ trash bags full of unnecessary STUFF. There were so many things that we had lying around (or hidden in closets) that either weren't useful or didn't bring me joy. Time to go unnecessary stuff!!! I have also become much more organized about running our home. Meal planning, cleaning, keeping track of our calendar, organizing our finances, setting goals, etc. Things I'm loving right now: my Swiffer (hellooooo Winston fur everywhere), my Emily Ley planner (organization for the win!), Pioneer Woman Dinnertime cookbook (some of its healthy right?), and Lipsense (because momma needs to look *somewhat* put together).

Lastly, I wanted to brag on my husband for a minute. He did the sweetest thing for my birthday! I had been talking for years about going to Vegas to see Britney for my 30th. After Porter was born, we still talked about it but as May drew nearer I didn't think it would be best to bring my baby out of town when he is right in the midst of getting into a solid eating/sleeping schedule. If you know our story, you know the first few months were hard and we are in such a good place now that I didn't want to throw a wrench in his chain. Matt still wanted to make my birthday special, so he gave me "the 12 days of birthday month"!!! Starting on May 1st, Matt gave me a small gift each day leading up to my birthday (May 12th). Each gift was so thoughtful and meaningful and he even wrote a little rhyming card with each gift ("On the ____ day of birthday month, your true love gave to you..."). Now you're probably thinking, "Aren't you trying to get rid of STUFF?" Yes, yes I am. But these gifts are so true to me and things I absolutely love and they bring me so much joy! So they get to stay ;) He started off with a Voluspa candle from Anthro because that was the first gift he ever gave me when we first started dating. Other sweet gifts included flowers, mani/pedi, lululemon headbands, Kendra Scott earrings and matching bracelet, and Tory Burch flip flops. All leading up to day 12 where he surprised me with a Michele watch!! I've been wanting one for years but never thought I'd actually have one because ya know bills, rent, baby, etc. So we may be living on rice and beans for the next month but my man spoiled me rotten and I loved it! Haha! Thanks babe!

Hope you've enjoyed the month of May. It's even more special to me now because of Mother's Day. Had the best Mother's Day with my little fam! Looking forward to month 7 with my Porter. Now, back to laundry.

Months 2 - 5 With My Boy

Hey y'all!

So a waaaaay overdue post with updates on our sweet P as well as some momma updates. Sorry its taken forever but my laptop got erased. Like completely wiped. Long story but I swear it wasn't my fault!! Fortunately, my hubby is an IT genius and was able to save most of my pictures and files and get my laptop up and running again. So here we go, a massive update on months 2-5.

Month 2

Month 2 was hard y'all. Porter was not eating well. I wrote a more in depth post about that (see it here) but it was so heartbreaking to see my baby so miserable while doing something most babies find comforting. As a result, he also really struggled with sleeping. The only way to get him to sleep was to hold him, bounce him, and shush him. Because he only liked to be held to sleep, I would hold him for all naps then at night Matt would hold him until 12 a.m. so I could get a couple hours of sleep. I'd feed him (so tough) and try my best to get him to sleep in his bassinet. He was waking up every 1-2 hours needing to be soothed back to sleep or fed. I was barely sleeping because each time he would fall asleep, I knew I'd be waking up again shortly. Fortunately, my mom came out for a week during Christmas which was wonderful and my dad came to visit shortly after. Having family (and an extra set of hands) is really helpful with a newborn. Being alone without any family or close friends nearby is hard enough as it is, but with a lil babe it is even harder. His feeding issues continued to get worse and worse and we started to do weekly weigh-ins at the pediatrician's office to monitor his weight gain. I stopped pumping and Porter was exclusively on formula. I went in to this more in my feeding post, but it was really hard for me to accept that I couldn't BF my son. Looking back I just want to give myself a hug and say "You got this mama. You are doing everything right and feeding your son the best you can. Don't be so hard on yourself!" I also had to add extra formula to his bottles to increase his calories. He continued to gain weight, but just not at the rate we would like to see. With Matt back at work and with the extreme sleep deprivation, the days were hard. Thankfully Porter is just the cutest thing and it is amazing how much joy he could bring me even at my lowest moments. I was completely neglecting myself though. Not eating enough, not eating well, not getting ready during the day, etc. I just felt yucky. Plus I was still recovering from childbirth so there was a lot going on. Tough stuff y'all. 

Month 3

We met with a pediatric ENT and decided to have P's frenulum cut because he was tongue tied. I had no idea what this was until we went through it....I googled when they first mentioned tongue tie! I'm somewhat of an expert now so if you have questions, feel free to ask :) Fortunately, my mother in law was in town so she was with us when we had the procedure done. Thank goodness too because I was so emotional I had to step out of the room and ended up crying in the hallway while they did it. Matt was holding him and it took about 2 seconds but it just broke my heart to hear him crying. The recovery was quick and he was back to his normal self the next day. We slowly started to see his feeding improve. We also met with a feeding occupational therapist. She worked with me on some feeding exercises and strategies to help P learn how to suck properly. The thing that helped the most was singing to Porter while I fed him. It helped him learn to have a rhythm while he ate! Still doing weekly weigh-ins and P was continuing to gain weight but he remained in the low percentile for his age. As for me, I was slowly starting to feel like myself again. Porter was letting me put him down in his swing/bouncer so I could make breakfast, get ready, etc. Right at the 3 month mark I noticed my hair started falling out. Ugh. I totally thought I had avoided the whole postpartum hair loss thing, but no it actually doesn't happen until around 3 months. I didn't have bald spots or anything too bad but when I would wash or brush my hair, tons would come out. Such a bummer. I started taking biotin so I'm hoping that will help with the regrowth. (At month 5 it is not falling out nearly as much.) P's sleeping was improving, but still not great. I'd get 2-4 hour chunks of sleep.



Month 4

THE WONDER WEEKS. Y'all this app about saved my sanity. If you have a baby make sure you have the app. Essentially, you put in your child's due date and it maps out the weeks when your little one will be going through developmental leaps. During these leaps, they can be more cranky and cry more than usual. It was so helpful to know that it was normal for P to be fussier and it helped to know when it was going to end! In my experience, it has been right on track. This month was the breaking point on sleep deprivation. I know there are people out there who have newborns that sleep through the night from day one. A lot babies start to settle at 3 months and have the sleep thing more figured out. Then there are those sweet sweet babes who just need help learning to sleep. That was my boy. We moved him to his crib at around 3.5 months. We have a really solid bedtime routine and I would rock and sing him to sleep and carefully lay him down. He would wake up (without fail) after 30 minutes and I would rock and sing him back to sleep again. He would then sleep for a few hours (his long stretch) usually until midnight. I would feed him but after that he would wake up every 2 hours needing to be soothed back to sleep. It was so exhausting. All of the adrenaline from having a newborn is gone and I just felt like a total zombie, a "mombie" if you will. Matt and I would take turns rocking him back to sleep so Matt was on the struggle bus with me. At this point I went to a "sleep class" at our pediatrician's office. They had an awesome sleep consultant come and teach about baby sleep and sleep training. Sleep training is so hard (on the mamas) but it works. At four months Porter's eating greatly improved and he no longer needed any support, singing, exercises, etc. He would take full bottles happily! Praise the Lord!



Month 5

This was a huge month for Porter and for mama! We had ups and downs with the sleep training but overall it has changed our lives!!! Porter now goes down awake and falls asleep on his own. He still cries for a little bit some nights but its more that he is settling himself. He sleeps till around 4am when I feed him a little bottle and then he goes back down until anywhere from 6:30-8am. If you'd like a more detailed post about our experience with sleep training and the ups/downs let me know! Porter is now eating like a champ!! PTL!!!!! We also started introducing solids. Huge step! He is doing great with it too. Although he is still not sleeping through the night, we are still getting really good sleep. When he wakes to eat, the whole process takes maybe 20 minutes max so it's not bad at all. Also, the sleep consultant (Sarah Middleton Healy - she's awesome if you need someone!) told me that it is perfectly normal for babies to need to feed at night until they are 8-10 months. I had no idea! So now, Porter is eating and sleeping. It is a completely different experience. He is such a happy baby and we have so much fun with him! I absolutely LOVE staying home with him. I know that being a stay at home mom is not for everyone and I completely respect that. However, for me it is absolutely the greatest blessing and I have so much fun with my boy! Naps are a struggle but we're going to tackle that when he is 6 months ;) so for now I hold him for the first nap of the day to make sure it's a good one! And I don't mind one bit! I am feeling great too! I started working out with Fit4Mom doing their body back program which is awesome. It is so encouraging to workout with other moms. I'm cooking dinners again and eat well. I bought some new clothes since I feel like my style has changed a little since becoming a mama. More basic and comfortable pieces that I can jazz up with accessories and Lipsense. Feeling like myself again but even better because I have Porter. Its been a journey and I am thankful for every minute. Can't wait to see what next month brings!!

To those of you who read this whole thing, thank you! I know it is long and overdue. Hope to be better about posting now that my computer is up and running!

New Mom Essentials (baby edition)

Hey y'all!

So today I am writing the first of a two-part blog post all about new mom essentials! This post will be about baby items that I have found helpful during the first three months. While these things worked for me and Porter, they may not work for everyone. Hopefully it can give you a place to start though!

1. Halo Sleepsack

Porter has slept in a sleepsack since the day we brought him home from the hospital. Not all babies like to be swaddled, but it really comforts P. He will usually fight it and squirms at first, but once he's all wrapped up and I start rocking him he immediately calms down. When he's not swaddled and falls asleep, he often wakes himself up with his arms. Darn reflexes. Those little arms will go all over the place if not wrapped up and then he won't stay asleep. He's approaching 3 months and getting close to being ready to roll over so we are going to transition him out of the swaddle soon...I'm nervous though! I've already started leaving one arm out. We are also going to try the Magic Merlin Sleep Suit. Anyone have advice on transitioning out of the swaddle???

2. Ergo Baby Carrier

This thing is amazing. Make sure you get the infant insert though so you can use it right away. Porter falls asleep almost immediately when I "wear" him in the Ergo. It's the only way we can go shopping or on walks because P is not a huge fan of his stroller unless its a bumpy road ;) Love love love my Ergo.

3. Noodle and Boo Newborn Shampoo/Body Wash

Oh my sweet goodness does this stuff smell (and work!) amazing!!! It is the essential newborn baby smell and it makes Porter's skin and hair so soft and yummy. Porter loves bath time and this stuff makes it such a calming and positive experience. I also have the lotion. They say babies don't need lotion but I use it from time to time for baby massage or if he has any little dry patches. Plus Matt started using it on his hands because he likes the way it smells and it reminds him of P! So sweet.

4. Gripe Water

If you have a colicky or gassy baby, gripe water will be your BFF. It helps soothe little tummies and you can give it to your babe up to 6 times a day. I think it made a difference, but even more helpful is that it tastes sweet and babies love sweet stuff. It would always calm P down. It also helped to give him a little bit before feeding to help him latch on the bottle!

5. Aiden and Anais Swaddle Blankets

I use these for everything. I think I have 6 of them and would recommend at least that many!

6. Bouncer

No that Porter is a bit bigger and fits in the bouncer, it has become a lifesaver! I plop him in there while I make breakfast/get ready/go to the bathroom, etc. It vibrates which P loves and is light weight so if I need to pick him up in it and move it to the next room I can.

7. Rock n Play Sleeper

This has been the only way that Porter will nap for longer than 20 minutes! Again, it vibrates which helps soothe him back to sleep. It also has a really cozy liner so he is nice and snuggled up in there. Love this thing.

8. Baby Shusher App

If you've read Happiest Baby on the Block, you know that one of the suggestions for colicky or upset newborns is to "shush" them. That really helped calm Porter down, but if we stopped shushing, he woudl get upset again. All that shushing can get tiring so we used this app that is literally just the sound of someone shushing. Its great. I would even turn it on (I think it goes for like an hour or so?) and leave it by the bassinet once I put Porter down. I don't use it anymore, but in the beginning it was really helpful.

9. Milk Snob Cover

I love this carseat cover. It protects little man from wind, sun, nosey strangers, etc. Plus it matches my JuJuBe diaper bag which I love.

Those are some of the items that have been lifesavers for me! What baby items have you found helpful? Anything you would recommend for a 3-6 month old since that is the next stage for our little guy? Thanks so much!!

My Struggle to Feed My Son

Hey y'all!

I received so much positive feedback and support from my last blog post about month one as a momma. THANK YOU! I was really nervous to post because there is that fear that you are all alone in your experiences and silently failing as a mom. Come to find out, so many other mommas have had similar experiences so thank you for sharing that with me.

Today I thought I would talk about the ongoing struggle that has been feeding Porter. I mentioned in the last post that I had a difficult time breastfeeding. Porter was unable to pull out enough milk and he lost a scary amount of weight. We began supplementing with formula and I pumped after each feeding. P got back up to his birth weight and continued to climb, but it was a major challenge. So many feedings consisted of me in tears trying to get him latch. Initially, we supplemented by using a finger feeding method. Essentially, you tape a tiny tube to your finger that is attached to a container of breast milk/formula, then put your finger in the baby's mouth and they suck the milk through the tube. While this worked, it takes foreverrrrrr. We would be up for 2 hours with each middle of the night feeding because it took a long time to breastfeed, a longer time to finger feed, and a good 45 minutes or so to get him back to sleep. Around the second week, Porter started to refuse my boob. He would pull away and cry and refuse to eat. As a result, we introduced a bottle. I started pumping exclusively and feeding him a combination of formula and breastmilk. Porter was able to eat from the bottle but was very messy. So messy that we had to change his outfit after each feeding (even while using a bib! And let me tell you, we've tried every bib out there too. I'll list my favorite at the end of this post). But, I didn't mind the mess because my boy was eating and gaining weight. He had been a pretty gassy baby from the start. We did a lot of "bicycle legs" and other leg movements, tummy massage, plus constant bouncing to help him move things along in his tummy. We started using the Dr. Brown's bottles because they reduce the air intake. Things suddenly went downhill 24 hours after his 6 week shots. Porter started to scream every time I would feed him and would refuse to eat. It was a battle to get him to take in even a few ounces. We saw our pediatrician who thought it might be a milk allergy. We put P strictly on Nutramigen (formula) and I continued to pump and save my breastmilk in case we could go back to using it. However, I found that with Matt back at work I had very little time to pump and my supply was rapidly going away. We noticed that the formula had greatly reduced his gas so we decided to switch to exclusively feeding formula. Unfortunately this did not help with the feeding issue. We then started on reflux medicine, although he didn't have any other symptoms (such as excess spit up). After a week, still no improvement. We went to a lactation consultant who thought P might be tongue tied and noticed he had a difficult time sucking and latching at the bottle (which is the problem we had with breastfeeding). We took him to a pediatric ENT. Although she said it was neither the worst nor the mildest case of tongue tie she's seen, she recommended we go ahead and have his frenulum cut to fix the tongue tie. Y'all that little procedure just about broke my heart. Matt held our sweet P while they did it and I stood in the hallway and cried. Hearing his cries made me feel physical pain my chest. Fortunately, the bleeding stops quickly and as soon as it was over I held my boy and he fell asleep. It has been over a week since the procedure and we have seen a lot of improvement! In fact, for the fist few days I thought things were completely fixed. However, the last several days have consisted of some more challenging feedings again. We are seeing the pediatrician weekly for weight checks and are continuing to explore more options on what we can do to help our little man. It is so hard as a mom because most babies enjoy eating and find comfort in that. It can also be a great bonding experience for mom and babe. Porter gets worked up and upset when eating plus it doesn't make him drowsy. I also have this fear that he will associate negative eating experiences (and stress) with me since I am the only one who feeds him. I am constantly reminding myself that he knows my love for him and the rest of our time together is full of snuggles, giggles, songs, and chats. We have an appointment to see an OT to help P work on getting a stronger suck. Right now, I pinch his little cheeks together to help him. Has anyone out there had any similar experiences? Please let me know if anything worked for you!

I would also like to talk for a minute about formula feeding. There is so much support out there for breastfeeding moms (especially where I live), but very little available for formula feeding moms. Formula feeding is challenging. I can't just pull P out of his bassinet and feed him in the night. I have to get up and make a bottle. It is a guessing game whether he is full or still hungry because I am the one deciding how much goes in his bottle. I have anxiety about feeding him in public (#1 because he still gets upset during feedings sometimes) because I worry about others judging my decision to use formula. Plus I need to make sure I always have a bottle prepped in the diaper bag. The "breast is best" notion of course makes sense, but it can be hurtful because not all women are able to breastfeed and they should not be made to feel that they are not giving their child the best. As moms, we are already under enough stress (not to mention exhaustion and helloooo hormones). We should be building one another up and providing equal support to all moms regardless of how they choose to feed their baby. I know a lot of breastfeeding mommas feel that they get unfriendly stares or comments from strangers when they breastfeed in public, but I feel like I get unfriendly stares for formula bottle feeding. Why can't we just let moms feed their babies however they want to? Ugh!! Ok rant over! Thanks so much for reading and joining me in this journey. Lets rally behind one another and continue to encourage not just mommas but husbands, partners, parents, grandparents, and friends of mommas. It takes a village y'all!

*P.S. If you formula feed your little one and don't know about the Baby Brezza, please go get one as it will change your life. It is like a Keurig for formula! Amazeballs. For real.

Baby Brezza

These Aiden and Anais bibs are my favorite. They are the most absorbent and wash really well. (I tried the burpy bibs by this brand and they are too bulky around the neck for such a little guy.)

These Dr. Brown bottles have been the best for us. They have vent inside that is designed to limit the amount of air that baby takes in while feeding which greatly helps with gassy, colicky, refluxy babes!

My First Month As A Momma

Hi y'all!

So today I thought I would sit down and share a bit about how things have been going so far with our new addition. I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am going to talk about certain challenges and struggles I've had as a new mom. I want to be clear that I am in no way complaining and I am thankful for each and every tear shed and hour of sleep lost because I have been blessed beyond measure with a healthy baby boy.

The First Month

After we brought Porter home from the hospital, we were so lucky to have my mom and both of Matt's parents there to help us adjust to our new life with a baby. They were amazing and would hold P so we could get some rest, they went grocery shopping (many times...I swear we'd never had so much food in our house), they did laundry, cleaned the house, and even prepared an incredible Thanksgiving dinner! So. Freaking. Thankful. Even with all of the help and support, the first few weeks were hard. We really had no idea what we were doing and this tiny little human depended on us for everything. I struggled with baby blues and cried...a lot. Your hormones are all over the place after giving birth and I felt like a failure and a bad mom on a daily basis. Unfortunately for me, the baby blues last longer than usual (typically they last about 2 weeks) and I struggled for almost 5 weeks. Porter would only sleep if he was being held so there were many sleepless nights and I never got out of my pajamas. For real, I never got dressed in the morning and would just put on clean pjs each night. (*One of my biggest tips for new mamas is to buy a lot of cute new pjs before baby comes. You live in them and if they're cute, you at least feel a little bit better about yourself since you don't have time or energy to shower *). I also had a very difficult time breastfeeding. So difficult in fact, that two days after his birth Porter had lost over a pound. It was really devastating because I so badly wanted to breastfeed but Porter had a hard time latching and could not pull out enough milk. I ended up supplementing with formula after each feeding and pumping after each feeding. This process would take over an hour and happened every 2-3 hours. It was manageable because Matt was home from work and could hold P while I pumped, but once he went back to work it was nearly impossible to pump. Speaking of Matt going back to work, wow was that hard. He slept in the guest bedroom (with Winston) so he could actually get some rest so I was up all night taking care of P by myself. It felt very lonely and I spent many nights crying as I rocked my baby to sleep (thanks hormones). The days weren't any easier. I have never felt so exhausted and Porter would not let me put him down. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE holding my boy but I literally didn't eat or pee all day. There were also days were he would be crying hysterically and I would try everything and couldn't figure out what was wrong. Again these feelings of inadequacy would overwhelm me. I would have to bounce/swing/sing/shh Porter for an hour or more to get him to sleep sometimes and was I physically and emotionally exhausted every day. Matt would get home and I would hand him off to get a quick shower and I usually brought a glass of wine in there with me. After that, I did it all over again throughout the night. Our saving grace was definitely the meals that were provided by my amazing teacher friends. I seriously don't think we would've eaten if if hadn't been for them. Y'all, support in the beginning is EVERYTHING. With our family so far away, having a meal train was so incredible. Huge shout out to my Bacich friends, the Rooneys, and our landlords for giving us the gift of food! Feeling overwhelmed and with Christmas right around the corner, we begged my mom to come back and thankfully she did! My momma came back for a week and was here for Christmas. While she was here, so many things changed. We started to figure out tricks to help P fall asleep, learned more of what he liked/disliked, and even snuck off for a date night to celebrate Matt's birthday. Could not be more grateful to my mom for that week. Having her there for Christmas made it actually feel like Christmas! I have so many sweet memories sitting on the couch with her and Porter in the middle of the night with only the light of the Christmas tree. My mom is the greatest and it is SO HARD living so far away from our families. That about wraps up month one. I'll post some Porter pics from his first month of life! This little boy has changed our life for the better and I love him something fierce! 

Again, please know my heart. I love my son with every fiber of my being and I am not complaining. I am simply sharing the struggles of being a new mom. I follow so many mom bloggers on instagram and their lives are perfect and their babies are perfect and sleep through the night at one month and never cry and pose for pictures and blah blah blah. It made me feel so inadequate as a mom and I needed to constantly remind myself that that image is not realistic. Their job is to portray perfection. I am here to be real and share #reallife. I'll be back soon with a recap of month two! I also plan to share my baby essentials for the first few months as well as what I packed in my hospital bag for delivery.